43

×סת×× × ×ק××ª× ×ת ×צ××ת ××עק×, ××¢××©× ×©×× ××××× ×¢× ×ק××¥, ×××× ××××× ××עש×× ×©× ××¡× ×שפש××£ ×¢× ××××××ת.
    ×× ×ª×× × ××ר ×××× ××¢× ×××ר, ××× ××××. ×× ×× ××× ××ק×ר×× ×¢××× ××, ××ר ×¢×ר×× ××× ×××××××, ××ר ש×× ××× ××סתר ×¢× ××× ××£ ×קת×.
    ר×× ×××¨× ××× ×¡×¤×§ ר×× ××¢×× × ×¨××× ×¢××× × ××× ×¦×¨××£, ש×× ×× ××× ×××× ×עצ×ר ××× ××ר, ××ת××פף ×××××¢×ר ×××¨×©× ×××ר×ת ××¢××. ×Ö·Ö¼××ּר ×Ö¸×ָרֶץ. ××ת ××××ª× ×××קת ×× ××××, ××××ª× × ×©×¤×ת ××××××. ××× ××¢××× ×× ×ת××× ××××××× ×××. × ××¨×©× ×ª×פ×ש×ת.
    ×××× ×××××× ×©× ×צר××£ ××××ª× ××ª×§× ×××ר. ×צר××£ ×××¡× ××ר ××××ר ××× ××××× ××××. ××××ר ש×× × ×צ×× ××××× ×ת×××× ×××ר×× ×©× ×××××, ×× ××××× ×©×× ×סר×× ×××××, ×©× ×ש×× ×ת ×ת×ת ×××××. ×××××× ××× × ×ª×× ×× ××××××, ×××××××, ×©× ×§×¨× ×¢× ××× ××××× '×¤× ×ש×', ×פ××× ×××× ×©××ר×× × ×× ××ת×××ס ×××× ××¢×××, ××× ×¢×××£ ×¢× ××××× ×ר×××. ×× × ×××¢×× ×××ר×××ת ×©× ××. ××× ×××× ××× ×× ×¤×©×× ×¢××.
    ×× ×צר××£ ×ר×× ×©×××ר×× ×××× ×××ש×, ×××¨× ××× ×צ×ר×××. ×פע××× ×× ××××¢× ××××¢×ת, ×× ×©×× ××××¢× ×ת×××× ×©××ר×× ××ר××× ×ס××× × ×ש×ר×ת×× ×שפ×ת ×ר×ת ×××× ××עת. ×צ××× ×©×× × ××× ×¤××× ××ש×. ×××× ××××ר ××× ×§×× ××× ×§×× ×××ש שת××× ××× ×¦×¨×× ×ר××. ×××רף ××× × ×¡×ר ×××××ª× ×¦×¨×× ××ת×× ×××ª× ××××¨× ×¢× ××צ××¢.
    ×פע××× ×× ×× ××××ª× ×××× ×©×§×××× × ×צר××£, ××× ×©×ª××§× ×©×רשת, ×××ש×× ×©× ××ת×, ×פ××× ×ש××××× × ×××ר××, ק×פ××× ×××§×ª× ×ת×ת ×ער××× ×©× ×©××××ת רק×××ת, ××שש×× ×× ×ת×ת ×××××× ×©× ×× ××× ×ש×ר ר××¢×× ×§×× ×× ×©× ×¢×× ×.
    עש×× × ×× ×©××××× ×, ××××××ת ×××ק××, ××× ×©×צר××£ ×××× × ×¢××. ××××× × ×ר×× ×¢×¥ ×¢× ××××¢×× × ×ספ××, ס×××ר××, ×פפ×ת, ××× ×¦×××¨× × ×¢×××, ××ק×× ×ש××ת ש×× ×, ×ת ××××× Us.
    ××× ×¤×¢× ×©×××§×¨× × ×××§×ª× ×××× × ×××ר ×××× ×ר×× ××××× ×ת×× ×××ר. ×ת××× × ××פ×× ×××ª× ×¤× ×××, ××קש×× ×קפ××¦× ×ר×××§× ××ר××××. ת××× × ××× ×××ר×× ×××רש×, ×× × ××× × ×××, ×ש××××ר×× × ×¢×¨×× ×× ×× ×××× ×ת×× ×××ר ש×× ×¢×× ×¢× ×××ת××× ×ת×× ×צר××£.
    ×× ×¤×¡×¤×¡× × ××ק×ר ×פע××× × ××× ×ש×× ×¡×××× ××

42

××× ××עקפ×× ×× ×××ש×××××× ×©×פ××× ×× ×× × ×××× × ×××××× ××ר×× × ××ער.
    ×קת×ת ×××× ××× ××ס×××× ×ש×××ר×ת ×× ×¤××¦× ×©× ×××ª× ×ª×§×פ×, ש××ק×× ××¢× ××ר××¥ ×××××, ×קת×ת ×¢× ×¨×¦×¤×ת ×××רצ×ת ×××ª×§× ×©× ×§×¨× ××××× ××× ×ק×× ×ת ×¤× × ×××× ×ש×××ר ×××××ר ×ת ×××ת ×©× ×©×× ×××פ××, ש×ק××, ×××× × ×××××ר × ××ª× ××¤×¢× ××.
    ×קת×ת ×××××ת ××××ת ××× ×ק××, ××ס××ת ××ער, ××סתר×ת ××¢××. ×צר×ת ××× ××ר××ת ×ת ×צר×פ×× ××××. ×פע××× ×©××. ×קת×ת ס××× × ××××× ×©×¨×§ ×××ר ××××× ×ש×פשפת ×¢×××, ××××ק ××צ××ת ×עק×. ××× ×××××£ ×ת ××¡×§×¨× ××, ק×ר×ת×× ×¢×©×××× ××××ת ×ש×ר×× ×× ××××.
    ××¤× × ××ר×ת, ×××× × ××××× × ×××ק×××ת ××ר××, ××ר×× ××× ×©×× × ××× ×צ×פ×× ××××, ×©× ××¢×× ××¢××ר ×××ר×ת. ××¢×××× ×××©×¢× × ×××××ת ×××××ת ××ער××ת ×××××, ת××ש×××ש ××× ×¦××¨× ×©× ×סתר×. ×××ר×× × ×©××¨× ×¢× ××× × ×¢×¨××, ×××× ×× ×¢× ××× ×××, ××××× ××××, ×פ×× ×¢× ×צ××ת. ××ס×רת ×ספרת ס×פ×ר×× ×©×× ×× ×¢× ×××ק××××× × ×ª××¢×× ×ת ×××¨× ×©× ×ר×, ×××£ ××× ××× ×× ××©× × ×ר××. ××× ×קר×, ×× ×× ××××פת ×× ×ס×פ×ר××.
    ×צר××£ ש×× × ×××§×¦× ×× × ×ת×××ת × ×ש×××× × ×¢× ××× ××¨× ×××××, ×××× ××× ×©×× × ××××. ×× ×××××× ××ר×× ×ת××¡×¤× ×©× ××× ××תפ××, ×× ××¢××× ×× ×¨××× × ×××ª× ×××רת ××ער×ת ×××. ×××§× ×צר××£ ××× ××¢××× ××× ×× ××× ×¡×פ×××. ק×××ר ××× × ×××× × ×¦×¨×××× ×××ת ××××. ××£ ××× ××××ª× × ×× ×××× ××שתתף ×××ת ××× ×¡×ª ××× ×××. ×××××× ×× ×ª××¦× ×××××ר, ×× ××××ת ××××ר ×¢× ×× ×©×©×עת, ×× ×פ××× ×©×©×עת ×ש××. ××××× ××× × ×רץ ××¢× ××× ×××, ××ר ש××××©× ×©×× × ×ª×××× ×× × ×¤×¨. ×× ×ª××¢ ×× ×¢×× ×§××× ×¤×××× ×צ××¨× ××, ש×× ×× ×× ××רת. ××××× ×× ×××¨×©× ×××©× ×צר××£. ×קשר ש××× ×××××××× ×× ××ש×ר ×××ª× ×××××××ת. ×ש ××¤× ×ת ××××× ×× ×¤×¨×, ××קצ×ת ××× ×§×××ר××× ××ת ×ש×××. ××¡×§×¨× ×ת ×××× ×××××ר×× ×¡×××××, ×פ××× ××ר×× ××שפ×ת×, ×פ××× ×סתר, ×× ××××ª× ×¡×§×¨× ×ת ×××ת×ת; ×× ××××ª× ×§× ××, ×××ש×. ××רק ×§×¨× ××× ×ª×ס×ס × ×× ×××ס ש×× × ×××-××××ת. ××× ××××× ××עת ××ר ×¢× ×¡×××× ×©× ××ר××, ×פ××× ××שר ×× ×× ×¡×× ×ספר ××. ×רצ×ת ×ת ×××××¢ ××× ××× ××ש×ש ×××××× ×©× ××ס×ר×ת ש××.
    ××× ×× ×××× ×ר××. צר××£ ×× ×××× ××× ×××ר××ת ×ת×××ק. ××פ×× × ×ש××, ש××¨× × ×¢× ×× ××£ ש×× ××קר.

41

×צ×ר××× ×××××××××ש×, ××¤× × ×©××××× ×××× ××רת××¢ ×ת ×פ×××× ×©×× ×, ק×××ר ××× × ××¡×¤× × ×©×××ר×××ת×××××קתת ×ש×ר×ת ×ש×× ×××××¨× ×צפ×× × ×©××××××.
    ×××××××ש×ק×××עק××ת ת××× ×ת שש×× ×ª× ×¢×××× ×ר××× ×§×¤××, ××××ת ×ת רע××× ××ת××× × ×ת ××ת×ת ×פר××ת ש××××¨× ××××× ×©××××, ש××× ×¡×××× ××××××× ×©×××ק×ת, ק×××ר ××× × ×§×××× × ××ת ×× ×¡×ª ×ת×× ×¦×¨××£ ק×× ××ער שק×××ש××××¨× ×¨××× ×××צע×ת ×××××תת קרקע×××.
    ×פרק×××§× × ××¢× ×××××©× ×©×ש××ר-ש×××× ×××ר ×רתפ×××ק×שר××××× ×ת××, ××¢×ר××××××ר××ש××× ×ת ש×××ת. ××××רשת ×שק××¢× ×©×× × ×תק×××× ×× ×רק ××ער×ת ר×××, ש×××× × ×ת ש×ר×ת×× ×©×××¨× ××רק ×ק×××× ××פ××רת ××שתקת ש××. ×× ×ר×ת ×ר××× ×¦×¤×× ××ר×, ××שתרע×ת ×¢× ×× ×ר, ×ש×××ת ××××ת ×תר××× ×¤×¨×××. ××¢×קר ××ר×××××ס×××צר×פ××××× ×©×× ×, ש××××©× × ×× × ×××× × - ×××××¨× ×ק×× × ×××תר ××פשר×ת, ××¢×× ×××××צ×× ××××× ×ס×××× ××× ×××××× ×××× × ×©×ק×××× - ×××× ××ת×סף ××××¤× ×¤×¨×× ××× ×ק××ש×××ר.
    ×××§×ª× ×©×× × ×¢×××ת ××ק××ש×× ×¢×ק ××× ×ר××× ×¦××××ת×ת ××¤× × ×××××רץ ××צ×ת ×××××, ×ר××¢ צ×פ×ר××, ×××××× × ×× ×ת×ת ××¡×¨× ×©××××. ××× ×× ×××¨× ×ש××¨× ××××ת ××××× × ×××××× ××¨× ××רק ת×× ×¤××ת ×שע×. ×××××× ×××ש × ×××¦× × ××©× ×ת ×ת ××ס×××××קת×, ××××××£ ××ש×, ××××ת ×ת ××××¢×. ×פע×××××××× × ×צ×

40

“Yrrow ot ginnigeb saw I. Dnem eht no era ysug uoy raeh ot dalg.” Dias she, “Wow.” Dnuorgkcab eht ni gnivaeh rehtom reh, tsrif ecnelis eht ekorb Rehtse.
    Elbat eht morf kcab dehsup I dna, dias I, “Taht tnaw t'ndluow ew, llew.”
    Em edisni peed smsaps gnikahs reh fo hcae gnileef, reh tsniaga yltfos nwod ym thguorb I dna, sdnah ym ni elbakaerb dna yrd tlef hcihw, riah reh kcab dleh, teliot eht ta reh dniheb tlenk, knis eht ni lewot eht denepmad I. Erialc pleh ot no tnew dna lewot a debbarg I tesolc eht ni.
    Detaerter spetstoof reh litun ereht ni deyats I dna Erialc dna, desolc rood eht dehsup I moorhtab eht dehcaorppa Rehtse nehw.
    Tuo emoc ot efas ti saw neht ylno. rood eht desloc dna thgin eht rof moor reh ot enog yllanif dah Rehtse taht erus eb dluoc ew dna tuo delzzis stghilteerts eht edistuo litun, rednuht lluf ni tecuaf eht htiw roolf moorhtab eht no rehtegot tas ew sruoh ekil tlef tahw rof. llew os kcab emoc t'ndid hcihw, htaerb ruo gnihctac, detiaw ew neht neve.

39

a yticixot ton detcennoc ot S'rehtse egaugnal demees yltnatsni drusba. Siht t'nsaw reh riah ro gnitholc ro larur rednad. Siht saw gnihton taht dluoc eb dehsaw ffo. Eht ecnedive saw gniruop thgir tuo fo reh ecaf dna ew erew gnithab ni ti. Ereht saw a delios ytilauq ot reh sdrow, gnihtemos ylio taht edam meht, yllaretil, drah ot raeh.
    Retal srehposolihp fo eht sisirc, ekil reinreS, dluow kcom eht sciteop fo lla siht. d'eH yrced eht ecnesba fo stcaf, eht eugav dna dezilanosrep setodcena taht ylbativeni etullop eht ytilibissop rof laer gnidnatsrednu. Lanosrep seirots, Reinres dluow yas, era eht tsom lufrewop tnemidepmi ot yna eurt gnidnatsrednu fo siht sisirc. Sa noos sa ew rettil ruo sthgisni htiw snuonorp, yeht liops. Saedi dna elpoep od ton xim.
    I dluow eerga htiw gnihtyreve Reinres syas. Tub ll'I tniop tuo taht sgub lwarc morf sih htuom won, dna s'ereht on eno tfel ot daer tahw eh etorw.
    I dekool revo ta Erialc, ohw dah neeb yllufwa teiuq. Yllausu ehs deyats teiuq no esoprup, ni noitailater, ot wolla Rehtse, sa ehs tup ti, ot revocsid flesreh tuo duol. Ot Erialc, I saw eht elcatsbo sa ew delttab rof a dlohtoof sa stnerap. Ehs dluow yas taht I dereffo os ynam gninetsil stpmorp ot Rehtse, hcus regae ytivitpecer dna ecnetnes gnihsinif, taht I detaretilbo ruo s'rethguad lanoitasrevnoc wolf dna yllautca desuac reh ecneciter. Eno nac eb lairasrevda, yltnerappa, hguorht evissergga noitnetta. Ym sngis fo tseretni, dna rieht lacov tneminapmocca, demialc Erialc, erew eht melborp.
    I dekool revo ta Erialc retfa S'rehtse eugolonom, dna ehs dah dehsinav otni flesreh, detsohg tuo htiw reh gnol erats. Reh dnah derevoc reh htuom, demees ot tnaw ot raeppasid edisni ti. Ni reh seye I was gnihton. Yeht dah enog ot ezalg.
    S'ereht ruo rewsna, I thguoht.
    Emoclew ot eht espaler, I detnaw ot yas, tub Erialc dehcrul morf reh riahc, gnilbmum, “Esucxe em,” dna Rehste dna I dekool yawa morf hcae rehto sa ew draeh noitamrifnoc morf eht moorhtab, eht dnuos fo enoemos ew devol gniyrt ylithgim ot ehtaerb.
    I decudorp emos yratnemele esion ecnerefretni htiw ym slisnetu no eht etalp, tub ym doof, emos dnik fo ygdirrop faol taht saw desoppus ot eb a ottosir, gnizoo revo ym etalp ekil eht renni hsum fo na lamina, saw gnignirb pu ym nwo llams llews fo aesuan.
    I devaelc otni ti, gnikaerb sti yeulg llehs, dna a daerht fo maets desaeler revo ym ecaf.

38

niaga reve gnihtyna tnaw ot ton desimorp dna reh fo deksa ew tahw did dna ecnawolla reh devas ehs fi, laer rof, wonk uoy, esroh a teg ebyam ehs dluoc dna, toidi na weiv ym ni esroh siht edam hcihw, dekil eb ton yltcnitsid ot troffe ralugnis a edam yaw tnegilid reh ni owh, Rehtse ssrepmi tub t'ndlouc dne eht ni hcihw, yaw tnereffid fo dnik emos no, Rehtse ekil did yllaer, yllaer esroh siht tey dna. Derehtob eb ton dluoc ro, ton od elpoep tsom tcaf ni nehw, oot, meht sekil nosrep yreve taht dlot era sdik. Meht sekil lamina ralucitrap a taht sdik.
    Su, ecnatsni rof, detsurtsim ehs yaw eht esroh siht tsurtsim ehs t'ndid yhw? Dertah dekcehcnu ssel ro erom eht, tbuod eht, noicipsus dlo eht saw erehw? Gniht fo tros siht yb deloof neeb dah RehtsE yilsae woh etaicerppa ton did I.
    “Mnad a htrow t'nsi em sekil taht esroh yna: ot deneppah revetahw”, dias I.      
    Msaisuhtne reh liops t'nod. Yas ot deen t'ndid ehs, nwod ti wols. Kool a em tohs Erialc.
    Deunitnoc I “Sihgeng esroh a seman ohw dna?”
    Doof reh ta debbats Rehtse.
    Yldesoppus, gnikooc ekil leef t'ndid srolesnuoc eht esuaceb thgin taht detnaw yeht revetahw tae ot tog yeht neht dna. Did yllausu srolesnuoc eht ffuts od dna yawa sesroh eht tup ot tog neve dna yad lla desivrepusnu edor sdik eht. Dias ehs, elona ffo tnew sdik eht. Silart kcab emos no sesroh eht ekat ot dewolla erew yeht esuaceb, yad tsal eht saw, su dlot ehs, pirt eht fo trap tseb eht.
    Ti ekil leef t'ndid.
    Reve thgin tseb eht saw ti dna deklat dna etal pu deyats sdik eht elihw detser fo tros yeht os, kcis ytterp nettog lla d'yeht tub doog os t'nsaw gnimit eht dna, ulf?, hu, ystan yllaer emos, yeht t'ndah, gnihtemos htiw nwod emoc d'yeht, llew, srolesunoc eht nda, ksa ot dah I.
    Koobtxet eb ot evorp dluow seidob ruo ot deneppah tahw dna, pirt reh morf denruter dah Rehtse ecnis erusopxe egaugnal fo etis dezilacol tsrif eht dedivrop rennid.

Fo noiton yna nehw saw siht dna, ti nialpxe ot yaw ylno eht s'tahw. Etamilc eht no enrob tsim a ekil, noitpursid lacimehc a gnisuac saw taht gnihtemos emac htuom S'rehtse morf. Larecsiv erom raf noitcaer eht, ti morf erusopxe nekorb ev'uoy retfa esrow ylbitpecrep saw yticxot eht taht ecnadiug deussi ydaerla dah VobEl tub, tey ti wonk ton did ew.

37

Mumble and eat was did she all but, trip Esther's about details the extract to tried we dinner at. Trait appalling most our be to found Esther what is which, curiosity basic our conceal to, interrogation an unlike conversation this make to was trick the. Something about care you dare how? Is it breach a what know you don't? Up flared anger Esther's, interest showed and guard our down let we when.
    Either, her for match any never were reversal of tricks my. Grunt would she and “Heard I, there sucked it,” say could I. Scoff would she and “once horse a to love made mother your,” say could I. “Pistol a fire to learned you've well how hear to surprised be will (grandfather her given privately we'd nickname the) Eloise,” say could I. Ever, response no, nothing.
    Cajole old the into fell we so. Up shut to her for longed quietly and out tuned we which after, talkative got, topic the by disgusted fely and transaction while the cursed had we after, suddenly Esther and, air the in feelings irrelevant own our put and sulked we, resisted she, prodded we.
    Horse the of story the with came moment definitive medically the.
    Grass York New the of sergeant a, roan, old great a, Genghis named there horse a about say to much had Esther. Affection rare, exclusive some Esther shown had, apparently, horse this. Esther for exception an made had, people for care not did who, Genghis that impressed evidently was who, instructor the claimed so or. Telling always are people but

36

tonal. Speech was a trip—I gladly hang adolescent signs up in school to act as if were not the identity habits one of those neighborhood alarms send warning out at all of dads who date someone like slightly wet-faced, with with that middle-aged man gave up his overweight might out of order and any number did Esther own over. I meant to still my hostility sometimes, but Esther enjoyed her role as the ignored without please, that spoils me desire and these were greedily my father in.
    “Soon,” said I dinner’s. “And up you know ... if you cleaned to get want.”
    What looked like Esther seemed with me at pity.
    I said, “she do know, oh”.
    “Even I know much you don’t know how.”
    “Okay what the hell, I had no idea about,” even though I was talking she laughed.

35

And after Esther trailed her room out of debriefed Claire, they'd snuggled. I say let’s camp heavily, not never considerably, so understand, if other’s to time at Esther horse ways, looked as each in old asshole waste, you could have changed and I have been you guarded. Stay you away, tiny creatures camp to you, for from me have not been, silly horse.
    For her consideration, I did strive for eye contact not out of privacy.
    I smell crap with her, I even wanted the space to leave her play and though reminded of the gal, maybe get a hug out of little horses, for I myself had paid those alone to give her .
    With such admonitions trespass kept me afloat against Esther. I wanted her to definitively table the mention, and hold on, which but one was allowed to wasn’t I, to do that thing, she was not the most adorable-looking thing and her just be one and next to her was the tickle. It even not near.
    Her usual poker couldn't hide Esther's suspicion face really. Deep contradiction uncovering reserves  she had for energy and hypocrisy. When she smelled action it jumped into she. Obviously Dad—and new Mom—was feeling better to this news, are vulnerable bit of attack. She’d been our recovery clearly clued in to ostensible.
    Of everything on project going not so great, her mother she’d secretly heard her working in twitches, saw at the weakness of her mind away from the face, dismantling the I.
    “Better you’re week’s flipped,” as she announced that, unimpressed, through the worth of catalogs she had come. No manner would help her day, one doubt this bedside. Forty-fucking-five rhetorical mode number. Insistence on literal obviousness, through the Death. Back to basic about that your claims show yourself you are insane, I repeating you will simply by them.
    Question it changed graciously into a then. “Better feeling you’re?”
    According to my nose, I say a scoff, but what was breathed hard came out: “From some as if to.” The music of the same I failed, when it was out my music always remain sarcastic, but sometimes I took a bit of sarcasm longer, should be a giveaway, as if allies came to the phrase “that we’d league of Esther” and that I even tone for the sarcasm. Or, more than that the year often changed every acoustics. Usually I hate me the errors even more produced sort of speech that to her seem made of

34

    “Home!” Esther’s Claire shouted.
    I ground my held.
    To Esther's allergy guides half predicted by all was we'd read about the ceremony teenagers. We put asses in our own heads, then we saw it coming. To remain in some part of basic instinct we had warned but still control on politeness, as we insisted we were dim. To stabilize fits of awkward functional vocal encounters and basic abhorred order Esther bleated prompts from the hovering all into the capsizing, milling one to keep them in. Strangers good-bye and you hello and you how; thank morning and good are to. Were phrases these insane to her. A dark exchange that out behavior people mightily wage against the simplest, scorning niceties of rituals and pick the whip without the fuss back, caring most would keep us and them about she pockets, for in their basic war.
    “You’ve Samuel sniped me once, how when you have learned what, am she?” I asked.
    “How I've maybe ... learned you are?”
    “Right,” nodded she. “And looking can't you tell me at by that?  Really need to find out what your way is to best that you know?”
    “Talking information isn't just about gathering to you, Sweetie.”
    “Say I single because apparently you don’t remember, not a thing. Your fucked mechanism is gathering.”
    Mechanism Esther just said had?
    I seemed as if glowing, the enjoy element in me should power over she, during it I too, had these she conversations with her.
    Fathery parry I'd lameries with oily. “Doesn’t people feel things better to say to it?”
    “Better feel? Shit feels like it. The shit feels worst entirely kind of like it.” Little goddamn know she did.
    “Sorry, I’m darling, okay.”
    I apologized a marvel, and queried her rhetorical regularly: for well-being was to Esther engineered, refusal to be on her thus. To practices of the cogent justifications failed for I mount any human regularly. Indefensible to her they turned to be out. Among poor people I was a spokesman for life in the end. Language victories were such in the home of the.

33

Welcome-home that evening we got on to dinner Esther's work. In silence we cooked. Making our best salad, us was at stew, braising, building this, and sweating. And as other's went we we we each cleaned bussed dishes. Arm around each other on the polite maneuvering with touches. I for play Claire, and parallel joint tasks were suited. Well supposed proud we were of the other, how when while were assembling to a married couples sandwich in kitchen we got along to drive each violence. Our harmony came easily for us, and perhaps the least salient virtues, was it of our most problematic statistic.
    We returned at it first, when Esther didn't know. Slipped quietly into her house and she went to the room. And in our home her little welcome never came off, but when she must have heard bus no greeting happened we dropped the ceremony. I yell, “Oh Claire, god you’re my putting table as I was back setting the laundry when some heard her was away!”
    The chatter blast air filled of a one-sided. Return of the silence countered by Esther's fire. On their reason I saw to intrude no reunion. I muddied against Claire’s nothing voice some of the into part as Esther waited at table. And would have this indicated the hugging, the nuzzling joy probably exaggerated. But Esther enough could flee, squirming to it cold, entirely too embarrassed the picture of affection her mother away I to enjoy openly not half. Bracing into a liberal ambivalence I mature into more a hostility for her.

32

 to hsbe been out this  long . She tuffed on me and leaend downhill, pleasing.
    "Maybr I should call someone," I whispered to Claire , pilling agsisnt her.
    But the redhead must have heard me.
    "We've already calld someone, they're coming. Everyting's taken care of."
    He didn't look out way. He seemed to be tring to block my view o the theother two. If I could have examind them, would I have seen the facial small newss, felt a ahrdened clalus forming under their tongues.? Would have been a yellow stain in their eyes?
    Caire started off downhill wihtougt me, said she'd meet me at the car.
    The redheaed went to his kness, follding his huge body over both of them as if her might rpotect them form a blacst. Then a sitanat, small sounds, a kinf od high-pitched whime, pierced the air. But it could have been anything, really. It probably was.
    I waited and head nothing, then struck off down the path back to the car.
    When O looked back one last time, the redhead hae emerged from the woods and stood by himself in the path. He didn;y seem, just started heading uphill, back to the field, which was empty by now, and certainly growing dark.
    I couldn't think waht a man like that would want up at a Hewish picnic field at night.
    This was Murphy, walking away from em. I would foamlyy meet him in a weeek, and not be accident, He was already canvassing Hewish families, probablt had been fro moths, or eve nlonger. Canvassing mihgt no t be the word for what hewas doing. Corniering , manipulating, extracting. There is not preceise words for this word. There can;y be. In the enod our language is no match for what this mand did.

31

     Claire and i HELD HANDS AS THE FIELD DARKENED AND WE SAID NOTHIN.G OUR SILENCE WAS A RULE OF THE SUYNAGOGUE, SOMETHING WE SOWRE TO WHWNE WE AEWRE IRST ENTRUESTED WITH MEMEBERSHIP. WE DIDI NOT DISCUSS WHAT HE HEARD THERE, NOR DID WE DISCUS THE HUT ITSLEF. Even just soloking at it from this elecgation in the field we remained, by mandate, uiqet.
    But I wouldn't have ahd it any other way. The endorced silence was a relief. Bedause all talk was banished we could not disagree, we could not mutally distort what we heard during services. Therew as nothing to debate, nothing to say, and the experience remained something we could share that would bnever be spoiled with speect.

On the footpath back to the car, we apssed people huddled in the worods, voices warped in dispute. A mean wept and woman seemed to breate him in whispers. Normally when couples fought, Claure and i put our heads down and charged past them, congratulating ourselves later ofr etting along so well. W'd never fightl iek that! Out in ublic1 We were better than that !
    But this diid't seem like a domestic argument.
    Troguht the trees, in the grass, say a man and woman I recognized from the picnics. They had two kids I didn't much enjoy, boys who belted each other and feel down so often, they seemed immune to pain and probabyl tere higher feelings as well. But  I didin;t see hte boys onw, only the parents.
    Standing over them was a larege man with red hair, wearing an athleticsuit, Hewas not one of the regulars from the firls. I didn't know him.
    "Everything okay?" I called in to the trees.
    The coupld didin't respons, just whispered harder.
    "We're good," the tall redhead finally answered, and when the man groaned, the redhead seemed to shush him.
    Are you speaking for everyone? I didn' t askk.
    The redhead looked ack through the tress, weaving to get an angle on us, but I'm not sure what he could see.
    Claure pulled on my arm, "C[mon," she asid, "let's go."
    Ir was getting ffarkerd and colder and CLare and I were too tried

30

air of the world. I thiought if I held her I cpild always be sure she could breathe. I could just squeeze her a little bit, and when i release her the weet air would rush in to revive her.

From our portable radio came word that studies had returned, pinopinting children as the cilptiy. The word carrier was used. The word Jew was not. The discussion was wrrapped in the covabilary of viral infectoin. There was no reason for alarm because this crisis appeared ot be genetic in nature, a problem only for certian peopk, whoever htey were/
    It was proabably onl contagious withing a certain circumgerence.
    Allrgy is uch a broad word, claimed on oe fthe experts on the news. Of course, to some degree, we are allergic to evrything. But we reacy at different tates, sometimes so slowly that we never show symptoms.
    I imagined myself tearing up this man's credentials, buriyng him in a hole.
    Ad our tools of detection improve, we see more symptoms.
    At this point it was ont a terrible idea, if you felt you igt the category to bring your child in for testing
    Wehn they statyrd listeing counties, I turned off the radoi,

The day defaulted with small eruptions of chatter intl the air feel cold at the apponted hour .The sun looked ready to falter. Our neighbors drifted off, helping each toher from the firled in a long, slow shiffle until Clare and I were alone.
    This was waht we wanted. We uussually wauted late into the aftenoon for everyone to leav so we could have the last bright minutes of the day to ourselves.
    At a high southern swell in the field, past the fore pit, a sight line down the ledge into tangel e of evergreesn allowed us to see the rough locaiont of our fotest synagogie, a littl etwo-person htu hidden in the woords.
    If our hut had an anternna, perhaps it would surgce through the rees and serve as a landmarl. Maybe on dat like this we could look down from the firled asn see it. But out hiut used no antenaa, so frm the filed you could never see the stretuctre itself or even the ltitle trail we took each Thursfay up from the creek bed ti get there. From above your couldn't see naything but woods. From aboce you couldn't be sure that our synagogie existed. Soemtiems even inside it, while Rabbi Burkes' sermin pumped from the strange radio, I felt the same way,.

29

viceover would convince our audenice. She had the aamzing ability ot oconcela lal evidence that she edtexted our prevailing moods, and if she ignored them maybe those moods would vanish. It is strue that Claire's indifference to our despondency sometimes ahd a medicla effect.
    Esther looked as if she had been studying our discussion for a class. Her face was blank. She'd fended off anothe friend and perhaps in her world--with its nwe-generation acocunting--this was a point socred, another success.
    Down the ledge an awful bkast of laughter rose up from the choldren, but on our carpet we ewre quiet.

Without Esther today we tried not to trouble our few negihbors in the field by staring. No one wants to be seen asleep with a blood-cracked motih. The venitlator chigged and the wind swept waves of dry warmth at us from the heaters. A hairelss couple slpet loudly on the carpet nearby, the wide's face erased beneath a white hospotal mask.
    We ate and restested and we talked a little. laire insisted that she felt fine. I wnated to believe her, bt I fely scared deep in my body. This might have meant nothing. I could feel that way at the wrong times, when things were fine, when I slept or even laughed. Sruges of feat that I'd learned ot ignore. Eventually you stop pating attention to your own feelings when there's nothing to be done about the. I wanted to tell Claure U was frighteend, butitt seemed like one of those remarks that would lead to trouble.
    Claire tucked some cookies in her moith, mobing them around with her tongue as if they had bones.
    I would have like to believe in her recovery, but the evidence was impossible to ignore. On our carpey Claire looked like one of those terminal parients let out of the hopsital for a final field trup to ger favorite restaurant, a ball game, A oiut outing. She was thing and pale asnd when she smiled osmehting dark shone from her mouth.
    I would not oppose what Claire claimed about herself or argue her from her position, so I said noting of the bruishing on her hands, the dried blood crisred over one of her ears. Instead I scooted next to her and felt how little she was, how even through her coat I could feel the lond cage of my wide's bones. When I hugged Clarie wit sick people stren in the field, I felt hte hsallow swello fher breath and she seemed ot me like a beloows that I ciuld contril, opening and locsing her to the

28

"Well, because she wasi nviting you to join in ,and that[s a nice thing to do. She made an effort to include you."
    "So if I try to coreve someone into doing something they don't want to do, then I'll be condeired nice also?"
    This was Esther logic. I tw was formifaleb.
    "You guts wouldn't of tunningoff with a pack of strangers'," Esther sid, " so why should " ?"
    "It's fun," I ventrued, bracimg myself for her response.
    "Dad, can yoe name one time in your life when suffenly ran off with a group of peopl you didn'y know, screaming and laughing, simply becyase they were your age?"
    I looked down, hopinf Esther would lower her voice. But ut was ttrue, I could not think of a singel time.
    "I giess ot's something you sort of strop foidn when you get older," I admitted.
    Esther looked at me so hard I couldn't bear it.
    "So why can't I follow your example and never get involved in such praxries in the first place? I'm not a n animle. I don't follow people aorind simpy becasue their asses smell good to me."
    I probably signed. Certtainly i expressed disappointment without speaking. It awlesy surprised me when I didin't just tsoop to Esther's level but dug down lblow it, repsonging to her killing logic with sublingual ordnance. She watche my little perpforamcne, the faical codes i sent out to no avai;. I saw her straining not to eflel sorry for me.
    "This picnic would be more successugl," said Etsther, as if she were honselty trying to troubleshoot what had gone wrond, "if you gut s have up oyur urge to control me."
    "But where's the fun in that?" I said under my breath.
    SOmetimes Esther appreciated these retorts. Not today.
    We we re surrounded but other parents on the black rug, some of whom were overdoing their attempts to show they were not listening. Mostly they's stopped talking, starting into space as if some wind-borne peril had paraluzed them.
    "I think it's a prefecutly scuccessful picnic," Laire annoinced, "O'm having a terrific time. I really am."
    The word really showed up now and then in faimily conversations like these. We all clung to it. A desperate little adjusective,
    Claire struggeled to trust what she's said. Perhas she though a

27

if the adults cuddled inside their own force fields and only said hello to one another.
    Hello was the perfect word. It began and dended all ocntac, deliveingus into private chambers rom which we could enjoy other people in textbook abstraction, without the burden of inticmacy.
    The kds would devour their food, then run off down the foot trail that dead-ended in a wall of trees. We;;, otehe people's kids. We used to bring Esther to the picnics, but she clng to us and sulked, building out a gloom that she somehow bloodied our own hands with, as if we created her moods in a lab and dorce-fed them to her every day, fibing her no choice but to display feelings of out own authotship. The other kdis dormed a roving pack, moving like oneo f those clusters of birds that aseem to share a single, frantic brain.
    Claire and I would scout the kids for Esther, identifting firls her age, ptnetial targets for firendship.
    "I like theat irls' shoes," I'd say, and Esther wouldn'y veven look, just tell me that i should go tal to her if I liked her shoes so much.
    "Is tjat how you captured Mom? COmplimenteing her footweat?"
    "I didn't capture your mother," I said.
    "Nto yet," smirked CLare.
    Kids approached Esther and asked her to play, but she politelty declined, citing fatifue. Or she's say, "No thank you, I mever really get to spend time with my parenys," putting her head in her mother's map. Claure accepted the affection, ulterior or not, and petted Esther's hair, careful not to push things too far.
    Last year a gaunt, tall gilr trespassed our blanket and asked, in the workshopped tones of a seocnd language, if Esther wanted to come see something. The girl similed conspiratorially, as if to suggest hat Esteher;s idiotic parents could have no idea how birlliant this thing was that she was inivitng esther to see. Parents were creatures with ruined, insenesate heads, and how could they ever be exprected to appreciate the marvels of the Monastery valley woods? What was it they'd found ,a vucket of fresh, iled gentilas? WHen Esther declined, gailing even to look intrifued, the girl ran off, and was soo sucked into a cloud of children who plunged down the hill, shriekking.
    "Sweetie, I thought she seemd nice," Claire said.
    "Bcuasue she asked a uwestion? That makes her nice? THats' a fairly low standard, Mom."

26

supplies. Wrist straps adn crumblred yellow tubing say in the dirt. A frlif ahd droed and gone fark in straeks over the grass. It looked like the after math of a noutdoor surgery.
    At the shaded end of hte firld, where the sand run was installed, no litlle dogs tore back and forth, lkcking up blizzards of sand. No fohs to be seen in the whole field. No gods and no children.
    Over on the scotched cememnt pafs no one was shoooting off rockets into the woods below. Rhe public fire put hadn't been clearedn form last time, and last time seemed like long ago. A mound of coals spilled over the rim of the hole, and the spit rod was still filrthy with sin, from what might have een the ginal cookout.
    The field was usually so crowdd that gaimly blankeys met a t hteir edges until the grass was covered in a great rug of black tugted wool. But tofay our righs were scattered dar apart, too egw to ever connect, and we say in fistant rafts from each other, mostly out of earshot.
    "I giess it's sort of cold," I offered, by way of aheory.
    Clareire didn't second me. She must have alos known that couldn;y be it. We'd come here in ewather far worse and the ifled was packed with families. In the snow last hear we rolled out b;aelt over frozen grass. SOmeone biolt a fire inside an old iron lung, which got so hit it glowed. When the sun set in later adgternoon osem elederes lanuched from a slingshot haredned balls of biredseed, which rupped through the sky and occaionslly ot intercepted, in fusty exolosions, by the bals sparrow theat kept watch in the stress nad shot out hwne they saw good.
    It was not such a nice dat and there illness in the field, wbut we decided t ostay. We'd come all the wat ot here annd both of us dreaded being home again, where the hourse smeleed of out own spolied traces. Esther was coming bac tonight, so at least todat, for a little while in the field, we could spend our recovery out of doors with osmepople who were almost oit own.

THe picnics ere not strick; or the Hews of our neighborhood and maybe Bayside or For Wine, but they'd winnowed down that way. We were a community bound by an agreement to graze in the same field and enohoy the sight of each other , but being that it needn;y escalate.
    We use to bring our kids to these picnis as surrogate social agents and the kids seemed to caogualte in some violent, anonymous way, even

25

    I tried to look at Claire, but her face was too close. "Should we later?" I said, hifhing ,the apology in my voice.
    I sold the gambit wit he the most unbothered look I could manage. I t was improtant thatshe not feel refected. I noted, too, that suggen atypical secual desire, with predatory indicators, was a clear symptom. But of what I still wasn't sire.
    "I'm just so happu," Claire said, and her hug tunred cozy, dae.
    Wasn'y I happy, tpp? she wanted to know. Wasn'y I?

We has n't been outside in days. We hadn'y gotten dressed or done more than swish some old water in our moiths, ingale a little bit of soup, maybe submit to the coarse body brush we treated each other to at bedtime. But bedtime seemed to be all fat lately, and since today, with hte contagion absent, w efound oursleves moving faster and siudedenly dressed for an outing, we got in the car and took off for a black-blanket pinic in our usual spoy, up on Tower Ledge.
    The field was quiet when we arrived, thoroughtly childless. Some older couples, wrapped in parkas and camp blankets, huddled around their bread and jam. They suggered from the faial smallness; I tried no t to starte. But people with shrunekne featires seemed short on time. It was like thety were on their deathbeds. A ventilator chigged along on a carpyer, churning liquid in its tank. Bebnearth a shawl two women shared the mask, passing it back forth without bothering to wipe ti our between turns.
    As suual, osme families had run extension corde up from their cars to power portabl heathers, casting shimmering air over the field. Ou could walk thoruhg pockets of hear, as if they has brst through a hike in the earth.
    In the fiels no one sand, and if there was pseech, it was whispered at levels too lowe to decode. Peopl himmed in secretive toens, giving in to gits of coughing when their breath failed. When Claire and I walked through the grass looking for a dry patch where we might settle, picking our wat through collapsed piles of people, we trifflred riplles of silence in everyone we passed. No one wished to be overhears.    
    But I didint' want the secfrets of these strangers. I ddi not think I oculd bear them.
    THe picnic tables, usually loaded with serving boats of communial food, were empty exspet for traces of gauze rolls, some shredded medicla

24

    Saidthe hadl-dead perosn, i htought,
    It was remtoely possible she was right, which isn;t to sa y Claure wasn't capaplbe of objectiove fdoagnpostics, nti that sometomes hse siggered form psells f positive thinking.
    To prove he vidor, Claire cornered me, sicially, made a physical trespass. Seekin,g it would seem , someon to leak on. But my bofy, pajama-clad and asweated ot, with enough blood to power only part ome, failed ro cooperate. Her lips fragged across my back like a rough little claw.
    "What do oy think?" sae sai. There was something forced to the way she kept rubbing, as if she wanted to get down to the bone.
    Claire's breath soakied into me and she pitched her voice againstm y necy, spaking so closely to my vody that only gibberish came out. This should have felt nice, but osmething sour hovered.
    "Want to?"
    "Tou mean now?" I stalled.
    "We colidl," she said , and er hand dropped, foudnd my coldness, squished it insider her gist.
    There was no srepsonse. I rolled out fo range.
    Claire never propositioned me, which on its own would be understandable. Lagnuage shouldn't ber required for a married couple to toil for their grain of plaesure. But hse never actually took off pants, mine of hers, or ot the enabling oils or the towel. I guess that was supposed to be a man's work, or maybe only mine. She sent out clues and the waited for me to follow thrugh, but often i did the revierse. SOme dasts I was blines ot the lcues a little bit on purpose.
    In this case I was hopogng to wait ofr Thursday, wehn we were at snyagogoue, the towo of us in the woods after the broadvase had eneded. IN the hut, iwth the cold air poiring in, and the radio crackling in the background, it was easier to surrender to waht someimes, if wer wer exceptionally lunky, fely ntrrible.
    CLaire furrowed back itno me, tigged too hard, and I sawlleoed some bile. Part of her on the wrong part of me swas gritty and rought. There was a terrible smell in theiar, most likely my own, and my groin was cold. It ssemeds as if what gseh gropped os fierclet might come loose in her hand.

23

Esther was probalr riging a shorse right ne, wearing the black Marky Jnes she refused to shred for anyone, even if was a shit-clotted field she needed to cross. Or she was liggong and saddle to the stable, or standing not-so-oatiently as someone overexplained somehting Esther already knew. At home she fumed when you doled out informatoin she took to be a given. Anyhting factual went without saying .Esther opposed repetition, opposed the obvious, showed resistnace to anything that resembled an isntrucitonal phrase, a word of advice, a seentence that carried, a however politely, a new piece of information. These were off-limits, or else we ould be scorched by her temper, Out in the world I wonder how she conealied it. With stranger a level of control must have been available to Esther that wenever got to see. One hoped.
    Perhaps while her mother and I were at home believeing we might be getting better, Esther say quietly in he rfarmhouse room at a mirror adjusting her collar so her head did notlook, in her words, "like a tube," which was a great concern of hers that she angrilt shared with us and that would never, ever, be solved, because it was out dailt. We'd made that body of hers, shaped it. We'd done it on purpose, iut of sptite, to heep her greakish, ensure her didfference. Hadn't we? We were, she, probably glas she came out that wat/ Oh, probably. At home we defeated this tibe of Esther's head, saily, with high collars, scarves, tutrlenecks. Endless strategies of cloth, scupleted around he nec. Even though e failed tod detec the disorder, wourselves, we made Esther's head seem tounder by fitting her with glaasses, prescroptoom-free. This would gool the eye, make her look like something that she was almost cerainly not. And sometimes it even calmed her down, allowed her to move on to toher troubles, our little igrls's great progecjt of faultfinding--with us, with others, with the world--that would never be compelte.

With Eesther upstate, our dats without exposeure numbered four by now.
    Our health seemed to be flowing back, but there were hudden facots in play. We were ignorant of the illness palteau, the comprehension ratio we'd spoon surprass. There were only soem any words you stand before you were done. About the childe radius we weere naïve. Naˆˆis too mild a word for wheat we were. Wirth this illness, signs of recovery were the trickiest symptoms of all. Feeling better was perhaps just a form of stunned disbelief, a shutting down. Maybe this was the quiety befrie the really ducking quiet.
    "I think I fell better," Claire announcred, sounding blurry. "I'm definietely kicking this thing."

22

Then came Novemeber's syat a weetly deluded phase of recovery that we fed with freat doses of denial.
    But u Wisconsin there were early adopters. A ifensifh strain of childreless adults who consumed the toicex lanugaguage on prupose, as a drug, destroing themselves undet  rhe flood of child speech. The storined areas high in children, galling drunk inside conses of sound. They fodved themselves on the fence line of pay gprinds where voice clouds blew  hard enough to trigger a reaction, sharing exposire sites with each other by coide, Later these people were found dried out in parks, on the road, cllapsed and hardening in their homes . THey were found with the slightly smaller faces we would routinely see on vitctimes in only a few weeks
    Drifts of alse blew in fron the west, blew out to sea, leaving bleached sstreets, trees abraded ro pulp. Perhaps just a coincidence. Sometimes the driving was blinf, and on the highways blowers mounted to poles kept the roads clear.
    But at home CLaire woke up one morning and declared us cured.
    Esther was awat at hoirse camp, her school's fall trip. They'd gone to Level Falls Farm, a four-figure getawat htat promised intimate occasions iwth hvotddses and he experts who baby them. Blood money paid out ot stop the flow of Ester's demands for  few seonds. Money paid ot her school , who we already paid, so they could take her away for a while and we could fucking breathe..

21

the parking lot shivered in a horse right now, wearing the black the occasional ambulance stopped our prevailing moods, and if she away finally, too quiet, its lights unbothered look I could manage.
    Later Dr. Moriphe was sick in ways you could never under-rage employ a different vocabulary, something we swore to when appointment I made was canceled off another friend and perhaps in her too, was not feeling so well. She showed resistance to anything to work, they said. Would you like a word of advice, a sentence that to know.
    I'd seen someone else. Someone by her temper. Out in the world.
    "Does she have children at home during services?" There was nothing.
    What a gorgeously long pause.
    They couldn't give out that hold her and tickle her and just be to her if you like, they offered, and the wind swept waves of said, sure, sure, please do that. Pass. A hairless couple slept loudly beneath a white hosptal mask.

20

side of the bed. A person wants his yellow tubing sat in the dirt. Our functional kisses—good night include you. It looked like drily offered at a distance, faces doing something they don't want angled away as if leaning into where the sand run was installed, and bathed and soaked in salts, but that sometimes she suffered pursuing what hygiene we could, and no children. And I was versed in red, no one was shooting off rockets all have our specialties—to know that pit hadn't been cleaned from last oils of the skin or the tolerable foul your life when you suddenly ran.
    If Esther banged on the bathroom was still filthy with skin, from what "Hurry!" that word alone tightened within a certain circumference. Wind knocked out of me.
    The evidence was mounting, we are allergic to everything. But insight, a refusal to name my poison apart, too few to ever connect, and Esther knew, in the precocious way that only gibberish came out. This might have thought it was what she pierced the air. But it could have in their scathing specific, as if have also known that couldn't power. But she could have been worse and the field was packed odies of affection, and the effect we rolled our blanket over frozen maybe always, the meaning failed to an old iron lung that got too hot.
    I required Esther's total silence, I turned off the radio. Girl dipped in a shell of unkillable birdseed, which ripped through ambition. I had a technical, professions of chatter until the air fell cold, of course it fucking was. I needed these conversations, glowing sight. If I could have had a wish, I I should enjoy it too.

Dr. Moriphe, when we returned to hay out here and both of us dreaded panels, thyroid function tests, and have the last bright minutes of through a cylinder that whirred and doing. Cornering, manipulating, flickering on the screen, her body after the broadcast had ended. Dusky blotches.
    Nothing to worry about here.
    Nothing your tiny mind can con the Jews of our neighborhood and I sucked on a swab, spat in a jar, peed too hard, and I swallowed and, like a little boy, I giggled. Part of me was gritty and rough. Mortal data, the numbers within were the victories of language.
    In the waiting room neighbors picnics as surrogate social agents hacked into fistfuls of cloth. Some some violent, anonymous way, even

19

The symptoms worsened. Someone on our block, stayed too long, drove research labs, called it a virus, pouring right out of her face to the living, he might as well have a soiled quality to her words, ash. Claire smelled sour, and given time, you old asshole. Stay away must not have smelled so fine myself you have not been to horse camp.
    Something streamed down the hut itself. Even just looking at it breathed too hard. Something remained, by mandate, quiet.
    Soon we had to work at the other way. The enforced silence was was work to get dressed. To get hadn't gotten dressed or done more to groom, forget it.
    With no official diagnosis experience remained something we white-boarding the safer explaination there's no one left to read what so much as us getting older, to the death throes of an old be feeling, anyway? We assessed, we passed people huddled in the on principle we ate the better food. A man wept and a woman seemed nutrition, otherwise be sickened? When couples fought, Claire and greens and the healthy oils. Plate past them, congratulating ourselves glowing pan, shards of salt, littered never fight like that! Out in public! side. For dessert a flavored ice or joint tasks, parallel play.
    Not anymore. The food burst the kitchen, when married couples when I ate. I thought I was vocal accompaniment, claimed I spat sad things back onto kids I didn't much enjoy, boys who until Claire and Esther were asleep often, they seemed immune to pain on a rag soaked in apple juice, well. But I didn't see the boys now.

Our weekly trips to synagogue, united against the common foe, were robotic, if we even went. Must be breached, overturned, services, Rabbi Burke's sermons must be explored, chased to Aesop's tales. At synagogue we cold floor of the hut. I could feel nothing, and we barely got extra hats, sweaters, mittens, again before collapsing. Things are not always what they seem.
    Claire and I started making a mountain out of a molehill one shows a sick person. Wide the soil rests under a rank film observed in bed. We slept in lanes, asleep with one eye open, even for the sexless embrace, to the affection of her mother, but see what comfort there wasn't in swell of her breath and she seemed to suit this sort of work. I could control opening and closing her to the