28

"Well, because she wasi nviting you to join in ,and that[s a nice thing to do. She made an effort to include you."
    "So if I try to coreve someone into doing something they don't want to do, then I'll be condeired nice also?"
    This was Esther logic. I tw was formifaleb.
    "You guts wouldn't of tunningoff with a pack of strangers'," Esther sid, " so why should " ?"
    "It's fun," I ventrued, bracimg myself for her response.
    "Dad, can yoe name one time in your life when suffenly ran off with a group of peopl you didn'y know, screaming and laughing, simply becyase they were your age?"
    I looked down, hopinf Esther would lower her voice. But ut was ttrue, I could not think of a singel time.
    "I giess ot's something you sort of strop foidn when you get older," I admitted.
    Esther looked at me so hard I couldn't bear it.
    "So why can't I follow your example and never get involved in such praxries in the first place? I'm not a n animle. I don't follow people aorind simpy becasue their asses smell good to me."
    I probably signed. Certtainly i expressed disappointment without speaking. It awlesy surprised me when I didin't just tsoop to Esther's level but dug down lblow it, repsonging to her killing logic with sublingual ordnance. She watche my little perpforamcne, the faical codes i sent out to no avai;. I saw her straining not to eflel sorry for me.
    "This picnic would be more successugl," said Etsther, as if she were honselty trying to troubleshoot what had gone wrond, "if you gut s have up oyur urge to control me."
    "But where's the fun in that?" I said under my breath.
    SOmetimes Esther appreciated these retorts. Not today.
    We we re surrounded but other parents on the black rug, some of whom were overdoing their attempts to show they were not listening. Mostly they's stopped talking, starting into space as if some wind-borne peril had paraluzed them.
    "I think it's a prefecutly scuccessful picnic," Laire annoinced, "O'm having a terrific time. I really am."
    The word really showed up now and then in faimily conversations like these. We all clung to it. A desperate little adjusective,
    Claire struggeled to trust what she's said. Perhas she though a